What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My vagina just recognized that song.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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