Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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