they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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