The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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