You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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