you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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