how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
