You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Found your dick twin last night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm always down for nudity.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
