So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
