I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
