I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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