We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
