Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
