i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
