the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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