Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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