I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
