just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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