it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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