from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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