told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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