It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
