Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
