She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
