VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
