hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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