I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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