they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
