I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
