Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
