i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
