Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
50% drunk capacity currently
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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