I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
