the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
