I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
