Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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