Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How does one acquire holy water?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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