Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
