My liver just broke up with me...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
