i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
