Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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