3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
