Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
