there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
