look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
