So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
