Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize