I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
