We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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