one two three fourrrrnication!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
no you cant smoke seaweed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
