I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
