Absence makes the cock grow harder.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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