If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
