I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That accounts for only three of the penises
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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