singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
