I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
