Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
