she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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