my mouth tastes like poor choices
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
