some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
