WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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