youre lurking in front of me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
